Concise overview of the Holistic Psychological Model specifically targeted to the field of Alcohol and Drug Addiction.
This Blog post aims at revealing the crux of my newly developed approach to solving issues of dysfunction in several areas of life: physical, mental and emotional health, issues with addictive and compulsive behavior, social issues from divorce, child rearing and education to matters of politics and WAR.
The thesis is: The lack of a natural Sense-of-Self is the cause of numerous human suffering. An extensive website is under construction which will contain all the details of this psychological model. The time has come that so many people are in need of taking their healing in their own hands and that is exactly what this work aims at. It helps you to understand how my psyche worked and how I was able to bring about important change. What you need is complete honesty towards yourself and patience and endurance to bring about the change you always tried to implement.
The key concept in my approach is the concept of the importance of a healthy Sense of Self as opposed to the absence of one, or what I call: a lack of Sense of Self.
Thesis:
a) A Lack of Sense-of-Self can be the cause of a great deal of human suffering.
b) Addiction and compulsion can be the direct result of a Lack of Sense-of-Self.
c) Healing this condition is a prerequisite for being successful in healing alcoholism and drug addiction.
In order to get a clear view on what the theory is based on I need to speak about three different topics: the Sense-of Self-concept, Motivation and Pathology. The 4th one is ‘Tree-analogy’ and is meant as an illustrational aspect and imagination aid.
I distinguish three types of Sense of Self: the healthy Natural Sense-of-Self, the unhealthy Lack of Sense-of-Self which is a condition that for a person leads to a great deal of trouble of various kind and a Restored Sense-of-Self, realizable through exercise and practice. Once the Sense-of-Self is restored most of the problems caused by a Lack of Sense-of-Self will be automatically eliminated. A Lack of Sense-of-Self is caused by insufficient acknowledgment of the person as an autonomous and potentially independent human being early on in his life.
I will speak about Motivation and distinguish a Direct and an Indirect Motivation. The nature of Motivation reveals a great deal about the presence or the absence of a Sense of Self in a person. We will speak about Hidden Agenda points, Ego-References and the experiencing of a state of Feel-good-about-Self as a Substitute Sense-of-Self. In the theory a great number of new terminology has been developed but for this short overview we will limit ourselves to the basic concepts.
Pathology is a section that we will shortly touch on only to give a small indication of what might all be affected in a positive way by Restoring the Sense of Self
Tree-analogy: For a better visualization of the process involved in the insufficient mirroring of the child that ends up with a Lack of Sense-of-Self an analogy is used, with the formation, growth and development of the shape of trees.
Concise overview of the Holistic Psychological Model specifically targeted to the field of Alcohol and Drug Addiction.
This Blog post aims at revealing the crux of my newly developed approach to solving issues of dysfunction in several areas of life: physical, mental and emotional health, issues with addictive and compulsive behavior, social issues from divorce, child rearing and education to matters of politics and WAR.
The thesis is: The lack of a natural Sense-of-Self is the cause of numerous human suffering. An extensive website is under construction which will contain all the details of this psychological model. The time has come that so many people are in need of taking their healing in their own hands and that is exactly what this work aims at. It helps you to understand how my psyche worked and how I was able to bring about important change. What you need is complete honesty towards yourself and patience and endurance to bring about the change you always tried to implement.
The key concept in my approach is the concept of the importance of a healthy Sense of Self as opposed to the absence of one, or what I call: a lack of Sense of Self.
Thesis:
a) A Lack of Sense-of-Self can be the cause of a great deal of human suffering.
b) Addiction and compulsion can be the direct result of a Lack of Sense-of-Self.
c) Healing this condition is a prerequisite for being successful in healing alcoholism and drug addiction.
In order to get a clear view on what the theory is based on I need to speak about three different topics: the Sense-of Self-concept, Motivation and Pathology. The 4th one is ‘Tree-analogy’ and is meant as an illustrational aspect and imagination aid.
I distinguish three types of Sense of Self: the healthy Natural Sense-of-Self, the unhealthy Lack of Sense-of-Self which is a condition that for a person leads to a great deal of trouble of various kind and a Restored Sense-of-Self, realizable through exercise and practice. Once the Sense-of-Self is restored most of the problems caused by a Lack of Sense-of-Self will be automatically eliminated. A Lack of Sense-of-Self is caused by insufficient acknowledgment of the person as an autonomous and potentially independent human being early on in his life.
I will speak about Motivation and distinguish a Direct and an Indirect Motivation. The nature of Motivation reveals a great deal about the presence or the absence of a Sense of Self in a person. We will speak about Hidden Agenda points, Ego-References and the experiencing of a state of Feel-good-about-Self as a Substitute Sense-of-Self. In the theory a great number of new terminology has been developed but for this short overview we will limit ourselves to the basic concepts.
Pathology is a section that we will shortly touch on only to give a small indication of what might all be affected in a positive way by Restoring the Sense of Self
Tree-analogy: For a better visualization of the process involved in the insufficient mirroring of the child that ends up with a Lack of Sense-of-Self an analogy is used, with the formation, growth and development of the shape of trees.
Motivation
Understanding our motivation of why we do what we do or avoid doing is key in understanding ourselves. If we understand what we are actually after we come closer to seeing where we are coming from and what ultimately our goal is.
There is a requirement to discover this key: total honesty with our selves. This is a challenge because we human beings are masters in denial, in deceiving others but also ourselves even for the duration of a life time!
As said earlier I have come to clearly distinguish two types of Motivation: Direct and Indirect.
Direct and Indirect Motivation
Examples of Direct Motivation 1: I clean the kitchen because it is not very pleasant to work in a kitchen that is greasy and has food scraps and dirty dishes all over the place. I don’t find a place to prepare my food. Also I don’t like the look of it.
Example of Indirect Motivation 1: I clean the kitchen because my parents visit me and I know how they always think that I can’t keep my house clean. I want to avoid their criticizing looks because that makes me feel as if I failed again (note that it is not at all about the kitchen being clean at all).
Ex2. of Direct Motivation: I am having my kid take piano lessons because it is worth exploring whether he is going to like that so he will have fun with it throughout his life.
Ex2. Of Indirect Motivation: I am having my kid take piano lessons because I want her to start early so she has a chance to be ‘great’. For me as a professional musician among all the other professional musician-mothers that would make me look good and give me a sense of being really professional. (Note: that it is not about the kid at all).
green = Direct Motivation
red = Indirect (SSoS-oriented-) Motivation
two red balloons = Inner SSoS-oriented Conflict
Now how the Direct Motivation works is clear: the activity is in sync with the envisioned goal.
How the Indirect Motivation works is not at all clear. The action is the same but there is a huge discrepancy between the goal and the so called Hidden Goal.
In this Indirect Motivation lies the key to our unhealthy functioning. The Indirect motivation is aiming at an invisible underlying process that ultimately we need to face and dismantle. Let’s first point out what the Indirect Motivation with its Hidden Agenda is aiming at.
Ego-References
It is here that the concept ‘Ego-Reference’ comes in. Ego References refer to a quality of state, attitude or behavior that, if we succeed to implement it makes us feel good about ourselves. ER’s are based on early childhood observations and refer to behaviors we engaged in, in order to be more successful in getting our needs met. They are based on observations and deductions about what type or quality of behavior would work better for us to get our needs met. Overtime we have identified with our Ego-references and we are utterly unwilling to let them go as they form our identity so to speak but at the same time they are highly addictive in nature. Indirect Motivation uses apparent everyday actions and activities as ‘vehicles’ to fulfill the Ego-References to ultimately realize the ‘Hidden Agenda.’ Please note the huge discrepancy in appearance and reality here.
Hidden Agenda
The Hidden Agenda is the ultimate goal of a person’s motivation. It is not visible at all to people from outside and in general not even known to the person herself. It taps right into that part of the person that has a strong perception about what has caused that her needs as a toddler, young child haven’t been met. “It is her fault and she should have been better,” is the unconsciously internalized message.
Overtime, when the parent is not present in the daily life of the child anymore, the Hidden Agenda becomes more of a virtual acknowledgment of that parent. The criteria have been internalized and the person (the child) knows very clearly when she would qualify for it and when not. This emotional state of FgaS that is in the later years of life the replacement of the actual Hidden Agenda becomes the ultimate goal in the life of the person. It is what he or she feels most identified with and therefore I call it a Substitute Sense of Self.
Now since there is a dependency on being successful to (even virtually) get the needs met, there is a continuous striving to create this situation. The drama is however that reaching that point of satisfaction once or twice isn’t enough…in order to be secured of a Substitute Sense-of-Self a person needs to keep repeating this attempt and the desired outcome. A Substitute Sense-of-Self is of short duration and needs to be continuously renewed: this is the source for a compulsion that cannot be escaped.
A Vehicle
A 'Vehicle' is an everyday activity or action that is used to improve the level of perfection of the Ego-References which are continuously in need to be improved because they aim at realizing the (so wanted) Hidden Agenda and/or Substitute Sense-of-Self.
Here is a form you can use print and use to list your own 'Vehicles', 'Ego-References' and 'Hidden Agenda'. You will find that the Hidden Agenda, even if formulated differently on occasions, comes pretty much down to one big unresolved issue that obviously is of crucial importance in your life. The Ego-References are the typical ways of being and doing you continuously try to improve on and there will be a number of entries here that are all different. What actions or activities will be listed under 'Vehicle' depends highly on what your daily life looks like, what kind of activities you have to perform anyway or what you decide on using as a 'Vehicle'.
Chart for use of Motivation Check
Sense-of-Self
What was the thesis of this Holistic Psychological Theory again?
Thesis:
a) A Lack of Sense-of-Self can be the cause of a great deal of human suffering.
b) Addiction and compulsion can be the direct result of a Lack of Sense-of-Self.
c) Healing this condition is a prerequisite for being successful in healing alcoholism and drug addiction.
In the theory there is an extensive section dedicated to the Definition of Self, Self-esteem and Sensing the Self. Here I just mention that there are 6 layers to a healthy Self. It is important to have a visualization of the concept of Self as it is a concept that is hard to describe, even though we use it very often in everyday life.
Visualizaton of the 6 layers of Self
The Unhealthy Self compared to the Healthy Self
read more in holispsych.com soon to be available
Sense of Self Concept
You may ask yourself in this context what is a Lack of Sense-of-Self?
In this Holistic Psychological model we distinguish 3 types of Sense-of-Self:
Natural Sense-of-Self, Substitute Sense-of-Self and Restored Sense-of-Self
There are two distinct groups of people : those with a Natural Sense of Self and those without a Natural Sense-of-Self. I have found a Natural Sense-of-Self to be of fundamental necessity for a person to be able to be without too many problems. A Natural Sense-of-Self is needed in order to have a potential for success and good health and for being able to sustain a peaceful environment and enjoy a relatively happy life. Absence in a person of this healthy Sense of Self is what leads to numerous troubles among which, but not solely, addiction.
The Substitute Sense-of-Self is a structure being brought into place by the psycho-emotional void a person with a Lack of Sense-of-Self actually has or is, a structure that is needed to function as a sort of substitute spine without which the psycho-emotional organism and therefore the person would not be able to stay alive. Imagine a mass of pudding!
A Restored Sense-of-Self is a recovered Sense of Self that is not natural since the Sense-of-self has been absent in the first place and re-instated. This theory focuses on undoing the misconception about Self and implementing so far unknown aspects in order to create a healthy reference to Self. Once the Restored Sense-of-Self is in place the pathological effects from a Lack of Sense-of-Self start to disappear one by one. The reason therefore s that now the person is ‘present’ with his or her right mind and this allows them to base their choices on personal standards of well-being. They now are able to relate to themselves and have an incentive, themselves!
A person with a Lack of Sense-of-Self may refer to him or her Self but there is actually no acquaintance with any aspect whatsoever of that which the healthy person considers him or herself. Self in this case may mean only: not somebody else. In fact a person with a Lack of Sense-of-Self becomes dependent on a Substitute Sense-of-Self which is compulsive in nature and keeps her occupied the rest of her life. She needs to continue fulfilling the Ego-References but that activity never brings her in touch with her true self. She lives like a juggler keeping his plates in the air. In the meantime she skips her own life while working to exhaustion to keep these perceived requirements for the Substitute Sense-of-Self going.
The damaged Self in enmeshment with the Mother (or primary caregiver);
read more in the website holispsych.com english version to come
Pathology
Incomplete overview of ailments and dysfunction that might be at the least positively influenced if not eliminated by restoring the Sense-of Self
In my work I invite people to help describing a Natural Sense-of-Self. As I don’t come from the privileged group of people that had a Natural Sense-of-Self I am not in the position to give clear information on that if that were at all possible. But the truth is so far it is taken for granted to know what a Self is, what it means and how you can ‘be your Self’, how you can ‘ground your Self’. It is high time to acknowledge that, even though we use the word ‘Self’ a hundred times a day, not all of us, actually many of us, don’t really know what it means. Many of us are not at all in touch with who we truly are.
For assessing whether or not you fall into the category of people who have to work on restoring their Sense-of-Self HolisPsych.com offers this chart on which you find three columns:
Natural Sense-of-Self - Substitute Sense-of-Self – Restored Sense-of-Self.
Under each column you find the quality of Life the person is prone to. We see that under the Substitute Sense-of-Self there is an overwhelming number of disease and dysfunction in all areas of life.
Under Natural Sense-of-Self there are issues of course but they are generally less intense and more on the surface of existence (QoL*). Under Restored Sense-of-Self we see that after healing this condition we are coming very close to the quality of life of a person with a Natural Sense-of-Self.
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Group A Having a Natural SoS |
Group B Having a Lack of SoS |
Group C Having a Restored SoS |
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1. GENETIC FACTORS Stronger genetic predisposition with regard to whatever factors are related to development of Sense of Self |
Weaker genetic predisposition with regard to those factors |
No change in original genetic predisposition |
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2. PARENTING Receives adequate supportive parenting for growing an independent Natural SoS |
Has parent/caretaker excessively focused on own self (narcissistic), unable to adequately mirror a Self to the child |
For optimal healing and sustained health purposes I suggest limited or no contact with original parent/caretaker |
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3. MOTIVATIONS Ability to focus on the content of the action or goal: ‘the thing for the sake of itself’; no ‘hidden goal’
Naturally ‘Direct Motivations’ (crucial difference!)
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Dependent on the outcome of actions, achievements, events and of other people’s opinion. Focus only on’ Hidden goals’ through fulfilling requirements of the Ego-References ‘Indirect’ Motivations (crucial difference!) |
Over time, more ability to focus on things as what they are in themselves, not as means to the outcome of experiencing a Substitute SoS.
Gradually more and more ‘Direct Motivation’ (crucial difference!) |
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4. FEELING GOOD ABOUT SELF ‘I-feel-good-about-myself’ is a ‘Quality-of-Life’ – matter, not a ‘life-or-death’ – matter |
Excessive/obsessive need for ‘I-feel-good-about-myself’ because it is experienced as a Substitute Sense of Self and is heavily charged with the fear of losing that fictional SoS, so it's a life or death matter |
No fear-charged need for ‘feeling-good-about-myself’ state because Restored SoS is created. Feeling good about myself becomes a ‘Quality-of-Life’ – thing (not charged, nothing at stake) |
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5. EMOTIONAL LIFE Mild emotional peaks and valleys; overall not easily hurt or excited. Emotions are integrated and rooted in Self. |
Emotional rollercoaster: deep valleys and depression and great excitement and (needs for) highs. Emotions are ‘creating’ the Substitute SoS and not in any relationship with the person’s own being |
Emotions related to Substitute Sense of Self even out; emotions become’ Quality-of-Life’ – emotions; milder and much more balanced moods |
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6. ALONE/BELONGING Comfortable being by themselves sometimes and belonging sometimes; potential leaders |
Excessive need of others for feelings of belonging or group-identity |
In touch with true natural personal inclinations about balance of aloneness and need for belonging (different for each individual) |
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7. RELATION TO REALITY Realist. Living in the “Real Reality” and being able to focus on the things in it. Very much ‘present.’
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Idealist, Utopian, not in touch with Reality. Living in a ‘trance’. Comes up with non-reality based solutions to world problems and is angered when nobody wants to listen to them. However others seem to be able to read their body language that conveys that they are ‘not present.’ |
“Realist apprentice”; aware of own situation and willing to work on it. Aware of tendencies to come up with ‘theoretical dream solutions’ and starting to understand why that is of no importance in “Real Reality.” |
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8. INNER ENERGY SENSATIONS, PRESENCE IN WORLD Inner sensations of clarity and balance; steady sensed presence of life-energy flow. Potentially ‘charismatic’ because 'present' in world. Prerequisite for X-Factor! |
Inner sensations are chaotic and confused; continuous collision and competition of energy molecules upon closing eyes (can be experienced in ears as tinnitus). Energy of 'presence' to the outside world is low. |
Inner sensations of energy clear up and become quieter (in front of the eyes, in the head when sensed in meditation or upon going to sleep at night). Overall increasingly more ‘connected’ and as such ‘present’ in the world and to others |
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9. FOCUS/SCANNING ATTENTION MODE ‘Focus-mode’, meaning present with attention in the ‘frontal lobes’ (personality, present time) through which there is the ability to focus on “actual real life” and freedom to attend to anything relevant to the moment and to genuine personal wellbeing and authentic goals |
‘Scanning mode’, meaning attention is in the back of the head (the past) and is constrained to SubstSoS-relevant aspects of life, not in touch with self or actual real life |
Leaving ‘scanning-mode’ behind and replacing it with ‘Focus-mode.' Increasing ability to focus on actual real life; developing ability to focus on genuine personal wellbeing and authentic goals |
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10. MASTER OR SLAVE OF LIFE no change Master of his/her Life; independent and potentially interdependent |
‘Slave’ of Youth Survival Strategy, dependency-oriented, oriented to Substitute SoS. Too self-centered to be interdependent |
Becoming Master of your Life and thus ready for team work and cooperative actions |
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11. SEE AND ACCEPT OTHERS Others are acknowledged as well as the Self. Able to actually look at others and see them for what they are. Ability to listen to others and hear them |
Others are not being seen or heard as themselves; only seen as a projection of Self-serving (usually Hidden) goals; others are used as pawns or ‘vehicles’ or are considered hindrances to fulfilling Ego-Reference conditions. |
Others are seen and heard for what they are. Acceptance of Self leads to acceptance of others, which opens many possibilities of interactivity. |
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12. COMPULSIONS VS DEDICATION AND WELL-BEING Doing what needs to be done taking into realistic account one’s own well-being and one's possibilities and/or limitations |
Compulsive and obsessive behavior, for example in preparation or practicing (music); no room for failure; dependency on the outcome. Doing what serves the needs of the Substitute SoS-oriented System, regardless of one's well-being or limitations |
Cutting out the ‘balloon’ of conditions in favor of Real Reality. Letting go of ‘controlling’ behavior. Learning to distinguish dedication from compulsion and to experience more dedication and less compulsion |
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13.SLEEP VS INSOMNIA Normally sleeps well |
Lying awake at night obsessing anxiously (at the risk of ‘annihilation’) about finding or using ‘vehicles’ through which to get a Sense of Self. |
Sleeping much better as there is no need to be anxious about finding a ‘vehicle’ to sense the (Substitute)-Self, knowing that one IS already and doesn’t depend on the fulfillment of specific conditions. No fear for annihilation; peace of mind and a connection to one’s own being. |
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14. HEALTH AND EMOTIONS Normal health and emotions |
Panic attacks; eye migraines, regular migraines, anxiety, depression, suicide, |
Elimination of abnormal fear, anxiety, panic attacks, awareness of value of one’s (own) life |
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15. ANGER, VIOLENCE Can be angry, but it's on a healthy ‘Quality-of-Life’ – level |
Issues with excessive unreasonable (neurotic) anger, rage, violence |
Rage, violence dissolve; anger on healthy ‘Quality-of-Life’- level |
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16. STRESS MANAGEMENT Healthy stress generally managed well |
Chronic high unmanageable stress |
Healthy stress generally managed well |
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17. SUCCESS OR FAILURE IN LIFE High likelihood of success in endeavors, in life |
Prone to chronic and widespread failure in life endeavors (because of focus on Hidden Goal instead of on the endeavor as itself) |
Focus on real thing instead of Hidden Goal, absence of self-sabotage, being ‘visible’ to others because being ‘present’ energetically creates greater opening to success |
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18. FLOWING VS CONTROLLING Going with the flow of life; able to ‘improvise’; potential for X-factor |
s Controlling self, others, and circumstances; inflexible, no improvisational skills; no flow. Thrown and angered by unanticipated turns of events. Definitely no ‘X’-factor |
Trusting the process of life; not having attachment to outcomes brings back the flow and drops need for control. Question: Restored X-factor possible? |
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19. DECIDING, COMMITING Generally is either at ease or taking action. Comfortable making choices and commitments |
Often in ‘flight or fight mode which makes for erratic behavior and bad decision-making skills. Uncomfortable in making choices and commitments |
No reason for ‘flight or fight’ anymore. Growing ability to decide, choose, and commit |
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20. AWARE OF OWN VALUES Knows what he or she wants, cares about, values, as aspects of Self |
Unable to make up mind; indecisive about values and priorities |
Discovering what you truly care about, want, and value. Able to set priorities |
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21. AUTHENTIC TASTES AND PREFERENCES Personal preferences and tastes well developed and felt as aspects of Self |
Tastes and preferences are not personally authentic; they are used to ‘score’ for Substitute SoS |
Developing authentic personal tastes and preferences, sensed as aspects of Self |
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22. EATING PROBLEMS Less prone to eating problems; any problems could be due to gourmandize or issues with moderation |
Prone to eating problems such as anorexia, bulimia if eating is used as a ‘vehicle’ to sense the Self. Eating helps to ‘feel grounded’. |
Having much more of clear experience of your Restored Sense of Self, you don’t need food to help grounding or experiencing your Sense of Self. |
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23. SENSE OF TIME “Tomorrow is another day! In an hour I will be outside again!” Healthy ability to ‘let-go’ |
Perceives achievements to be of highest importance; no relaxed perspective on time, because achieving Ego-References is always highest priority at any given moment. No ability to ‘let-go’ |
Achievements, actions, events become ‘Quality-of-Life’ things and there is increasingly more ability to ‘let-go’ and ‘bide your time’. |
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24. USE OF EYES Use of eyes as what they are meant for: safety and observations of environment
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Apple-grapefruit-groping syndrome (Ann Dennis). Eye strain and fatigue due to need for achievement at all cost; vision is always in hyper-alert vigilance for ways to achieve experience of Substitute SoS |
More normal need for achievement so less stress on eyes. They can relax, be off-duty, just used in normal ways. |
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25. TEMPERAMENT, MOOD Even-tempered and emotionally balanced |
Never an “average mood.” Often ( over-) excited, driven but for the wrong Motivation, frenzied, anxious, sensitive, high-strung. Or feeling non-existent, wretched, flat, depressed. |
Much calmer, more in touch with authentic temperament |
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26. BODY “CENTER OF GRAVITY” Body's center of gravity experienced as in the lower belly, (Tan-tien or Dahn Jon depending on discipline and culture). the traditional. "Abdominal Power House.” Life energy is spread evenly throughout the body. |
Felt center of gravity as if outside of body (compare: Enmeshment) – (prone to car-sickness). During activities are mostly ‘in your head;' tension in neck and shoulders blocks energy from going into the head – reduced oxygen in head — all kinds of brain problems (vision, hearing, head colds, congestion) |
Felt sense of location of self is more ‘in the body’ (heart/abdominal area)– strain taken away from the brain – less tension in nervous system and muscles– more oxygen in the head. |
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27. MOTION SICKNESS No car/motion sickness unless other abnormalities are present. |
Prone to car/motion-sickness: nausea and dizziness |
Reduced car/motion-sickness due to ‘grounding yourself’ |
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28. FEAR OF CROWDS Normal relationship to crowds |
Fear of crowds due to experiencing a lack of Self. feeling |
Normal response to being in crowds |
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29. EMOTIONAL BALANCE, STABILITY Stays balanced, because things don’t affect the ‘core’ of oneself |
Easily aggravated, nervous, upset, and offended because everything is perceived as a threat to maintaining the fragile and ever-fleeting Substitute SoS |
Much more often balanced |
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30. SENSITIVITY TO LIFE Normal sensitivity to all the aspects of life |
Possibly one cause of being highly sensitive (‘Highly Sensitive Person’ (HSP)) |
A lot less sensitive in many ways so less experiencing hindrances in the course of normal daily life |
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31. ENERGY IN STOMACH Stomach energy normal; emotions experienced inside the Real Self (‘Real feeling’) |
‘Butterflies’ in the stomach upon perceived (Substitute SoS-oriented) success |
A calm stomach; no ‘over’-excitement
|
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32. ATTAINMENT OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS Normal sense of ability to attain and experience love and happiness |
Love and happiness are not, and are not felt to be, within reach; the heart is ‘squashed’ under the stress of the perceived ‘immediate necessity’ of the fulfilling of the Ego-Reference tasks |
Love and happiness are felt to be within reach, possible |
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33 TENSION VS RELAXATION Normal body posture and muscle tonus. Lets the heart lead! |
Cramped muscles that lead to knots and pain in neck, back and shoulders (dislocated vertebras) Lets the head lead! |
Much more relaxation and improving all the time. Learns to let the heart lead! |
QoL = relates to normal ups and downs in life that are not pathological.
Map of Healing the Sense of Self
Tree-analogy
The development of our own brain wiring is covered by our skull and as such invisible. Often we presume that we all have the same potential and all need to get as close to what is considered ‘normal’. Fortunately the concept ‘normal’ has recently become a subject that has left more room for ‘not being identical to others’.
In order to emphasis the variations that are possible among how our brains are sired I have found it a great help to visualize the process of the development of our brain-wiring with the aid of illustrations of the formation, growth and development of the shape of a tree. It helps to look at the variety of forms and shapes of a tree and to compare this process of formation to what has happened in the dark of our brain while we were being brought up to get a clearer imagination of what might have developed naturally and what might have been thwarted or cut off. We learn to better assess our own assets and limitations.
How much of a role nature plays in this game and how much the part is of Nurture falls outside the scope of this work. Please note that this part about the trees is used solely as an aid and isn’t to be considered a scientifically correct essay about neurons nor about trees.
Sketch 1The Human Brain; Sketch 2 Neuron clusters; Sketch 3 a single Neuron
Sketch 4 the Perfect Tree; Sketch 5 Distorted Tree; Sketch 6 imbalance
Sketch 7 thwarted growth and adjustment; Sketch 8 heavily influenced
Sketch 9: you are invited to pick up a pencil or pen to draw how you envision the growth and formation of your own brain-tree
Conclusion
I want to end with mentioning clearly where the addiction to substances comes in this argumentation.
But let’s first refresh the thesis one more time:
Thesis:
a) A Lack of Sense-of-Self can be the cause of a great deal of human suffering.
b) Addiction and compulsion can be the direct result of a Lack of Sense-of-Self.
c) Healing this condition is a prerequisite for being successful in healing alcoholism and drug addiction.
The use of substances in this pattern happens for 3 reasons:
As a reward: Living under the continuous stress of not being in touch with one’s true nature but juggling one’s plates in the air out of necessity for a Substitute Sense-of-Self leads to the desire for a “Reward”. In absence of the Direct Motivation, where the goal of the action is its own reward, a High is recurred to, that takes the place of the ever absent (virtual) acceptance of the parent and that CAN be experienced even though we are not ourselves.
As an escape: To continuously have to carry the burden of working to get the Substitute Sense-of-Self is exhausting and also because it is a task that isn’t clear cut (in fact hardly possible) there is a great need to escape.
As an Ego Reference: in certain cultures it is very ‘manly’ to drink and it is perceived that “you are not a real man if you don’t drink.” To improve being able to deal with alcohol “as a man” and be accepted as one (by your father) is a continuous challenge
As a Hidden Goal: to create a ‘sense of belonging’ on which one has missed out in the first place in the family or origin or not having normal friendships.
It is important to keep in mind that a person with a Lack of Sense-of-Self by nature is prone to addiction due to the total make-up of the Substitute Sense-of-Self-oriented System following which he functions. It is no wonder that especially for this type of person it is almost impossible to change his behavior based on their own motivation. They are not even ‘present’ as their own person. There is nothing that motivates them but the Substitute Sense-of-Self. They are not in their right mind and have no sense of survival for their own sake. They are not in service of themselves and in a way ARE NOT! They CANNOT be motivated by themselves because their Self doesn’t exist (yet).
Now we can see how easily the state/condition of a having a Lack of Sense-of-Self can be considered a precursor and a fertile ground for the disease of addiction to develop. It needs no further persuasion to draw the conclusion that active implementation of working on restoring a Sense of Self needs to become an important part in any Treatment Program. Let me end with expressing the hope that if you are in the position to make a difference in the setup of these programs please consider to do so based on what you learned today.
