Substitute Sense of Self-related Fears

It is late in the process of getting this website written, that I am addressing this subject. That is not accidental; it took me all this time (including my many years of introspecting), and all this labeling and getting insight into the parts of the Substitute-Sense–of-Self-oriented System, before I was able to get a sense of how crucial the role of these Substitute Sense of Self-related fears are in the life of a person who depends on a Substitute Sense of Self for her Self-experience.

It is precisely those fears that exhaust the person, due to the continuous high level of stress he or she is under. At this moment there isn’t enough time to work this subject out into the detail it deserves, but publishing this website without mentioning the subject is not an option!

Note: Due to the lack of insight and labeling of these fears, they are experienced as ‘vague and undefined’.  I strongly suspect that studying thoroughly the relationship between these fears and acknowledging that its source could lie in the dependency on a Substitute Sense of Self might shed light into the darkness around the subject of ‘Anxiety’.

In this page I have delineated concepts that are very hard for many people to see, yet which many people do have going on. I think this information could help them get insight into what is happening inside themselves, before what is basically going on gets even more obscured by being mixed with reactions and effects outside themselves.

My basic message: the Substitute Sense of Self–related fears are the extra load an addict to the Substitute Sense of Self is carrying. They are probably the ultimate cause of many physical, mental or emotional symptoms that over time can develop into pathological processes.

Some examples of these fears include:

1.    Fear of our own behavior

2.    and the related fear of ‘screwing it up’

3.    Fear of not being able to function due to disease, problems, or something else

4.     Fear of becoming old

5.     Fear of having to give too much time to others (family, kids)

6.     Fear of change

Here are some points about these kinds of fears

Phobic fears

These fears are very strong because there is (perceived) life-death impacts operating the emotions which are therefore are high and intense. The person has a desperate need to get to the required outcome of ‘being good enough to get the real or virtual approval of the parent’. ‘Being or not being’ (one’s actual existence) is perceived to be at stake, so the fear is high and unreasonable (phobia)


The fears lead to dangerous situations for Self and for others

Something subtle and invisible but extremely dangerous is going on in these fears. ‘I’ – as a person – doesn’t really exist, so there is no ‘inner-monitoring’ to measure, evaluate, or judge the actions and activities that are undertaken in order to reach the Substitute Sense of Self, against social norms, rules, or laws. There is no established set of boundaries, or even idea of boundaries, no conscience or consideration other than what works in favor of me or against me reaching my Hidden Goal or Substitute Sense of Self. ‘The end justifies the means’ often times apply here in a very negative way.

This might seem like an extreme claim, but consider that this person has no authentic Self and very little empathy, and you can see that any ‘conscience’ or abiding by rules and respecting of others’ boundaries is quite a superficial matter, doesn’t go deeply into their Self or soul, and can all-too-often be overridden or overwhelmed by the extreme terror and desperation this person is subject to.


High likelihood of failure to function

Due to high stress and tension and a system–in–overload, there is a tendency to become ill, have symptoms – which become obstacles/hindrances to achieving the Substitute Sense of Self. So even though part of that fear (of failing to function) is totally neurotic, there also is a legitimate reason for this fear. Due to the increase of the amount and intensity of symptoms of disease which popup with distressing frequency, ‘not being able to function’ is a constantly-lurking condition which makes things even harder for the person than they already were.


Fear of Change

As time goes by, nothing really changes for the person with a Substitute Sense of Self. It is never achieved once and for all.  The experience of the Substitute Sense of Self is temporary, and it needs to be re-earned over and over again. One thing does change, unfortunately: THE ANXIETY THAT THERE WON’T BE TIME ENOUGH increases. As we are getting older, there might be a time in which our body and our mind weaken. Just thinking about a potential situation during which we won’t be able to ‘work’ that much anymore, is very threatening in case you are dependent on giving it your all to fulfill the Ego-References in order to keep access to the Substitute Sense of Self for your Self-experience.

When our life situation changes (moving, change of jobs, change in general) it is a challenge because we already know (subconsciously) how much time we already spend on reaching our Substitute Sense of Self, and we expect the new situation to demand even more of our time. Changes generally loom for us as offering only hindrances, but some changes can, for example, seem to offer us more potential ‘vehicles‘ and thus seem as if they might actually make getting our Substitute Sense of Self-experience easier.


Fear of additional responsibilities

Taking on new, additional responsibilities in life will greatly raise anxiety for a person with a Substitute Sense of Self, whether those are in the areas of family, marriage, or job-related. Shying away from decision-making in those areas might be the result.


Where the reader goes next….

or More on other Substitute Sense of Self-related fears….